We all know them, we all fight with them and we all get driven MAD by them.
Yes your so called "team mates" i figured its about time we did some analyses to better understand the type and behaviour of players in teams. (So we can start having a smarter smacking system).
The Loner:
Is the guy who chooses to go ALONE in the other direction leaving your whole team, ignoring the repeated "negative" and "dont go alone" requests.
Regardless of his decision (usually chosen because he cant be arsed to turn his tank) he usually ends up facing 7 tanks and will get WTF BBQED as he repeatedly hits SOS thinking tanks can fecking teleport to his location to save his behind.
After dying he constantly curses how the whole team are noobs and idiots because they didn't support him but in truth he wants to be loved and cared for so all this is a silent cry for help so recommend therapy to the next guy you meet.
The Kamikaze:
Is the guy in a medium tank (cough cough) running right through the enemy thinking he is the incredible hulk and will single-handedly take out 7 tanks 2 tiers above him using HE rounds.
Those players tend to be a little hot headed with a superiority complex. They require extensive therapy and sessions in order to explain that they need to work in a team and they cant do everything alone (except dying!)
However not to confuse those with "Pulling a vulkyn" which is a very complex calculated tactic utilising the terrain, tank, skills and extensive serious of manoeuvres to place the enemy at a disadvantages (Vulk thats Bull Sh** !!!) - Cough ....
The chicken sh**:
Is the player who starts great ! gives you the wonderful warm sensation that you have backup! You will fight as a team! The world will be a better place and everything will be roses and rainbows.
However as soon as you engage the enemy, the chicken sh** will leave and run using you as a shield for his escape.
Words can not begin to summarise the amount of physical pain one would want to inflict on those players who quite honestly are little @#@!$!@
The @$$:
Ah yes the @$$ is the player that will constantly block your retreat, come in front of you and bounce your shot of him or continues to push you in the wrong direction or plain irritates the heck out of you.
The @$$ is are usually young kids who have bad grades and feel the need to piss other people off just for the sake of them feeling like the center of the universe.
The bums:
Are the extremely laid back players who think they are playing solitaire. They believe that there is no problem when enemy team are about to capture flag and they will press defend flag button while they are 5 meters away from flag as they are busy trying to climb a steep hill instead of turning around it.
Of course they will never respond to SOS nor do anything except watch the scenario and look at their tanks with awe and wonder.
The kill stealers:
Those are the leachers, they will wait for you to fight ... do the damage and right before the killing blow they shot the enemy and pat themselves at the back at taking out the enemy with their superior fire power and intellect.
The whinners:
The type that will CONSTANTLY WHINE ABOUT EVERYTHING starting from match making, enemies, team, tactics, skills, tanks, the weather, their dogs, their dogs poop, their dogs poop size, their dogs poop color, the neighber's dog poop size and color etc.....
The BLOOOOODY CAMPERS!!!!
Yes one of the most HATED type of players who get into mediums or heavy tanks move to a sniping positing and fecking SNIPE leaving their comrades in medium tanks going face to face with heavies.
The campers are an advanced version of the chicken sh** as they basically dont want to fight in any way except far from the enemy.
(GET A FREAKING TD !!!) They also require some alone time behind the bushes for various activities that we DONT want to know about ......
The AFK: (Thanks dani unfortunately i need to make a new poll and at the moment i am feeling like the bums
)
The game starts and you charge screaming TO BATTLE !!! Team is pumped up and heading towards enemy all of sudden you realise there are 3 out of 7 tanks ..... you look at the mini map start swearing at the campers only to realise your trust team mates are AFK. They decided the best time to take a dump is when the battles starts ....... you curse as the enemy tanks violate you in ways you do not wish to remember ......
The noob wanker:
The general term used for all other unsporting behaviour .... I myself have no idea what wanking and being a noob is (unless you fail at wanking which to be honest would be quite an accomplishment ..... i mean being a noob in a game is fine but a wanking noob???)
The hill climbers:
Are usually people who have a desire to feel special and therefore opt to climb a hit so that when ever they are spotted the whole map can see them. What transpires is a brief moment of glory followed by a barrage of shots enough to take down the wall of China.
The know it all arm chair general:
Are a special breed of players who have had many years of experiencing in various skills that have nothing to do with blitz. Their superiority complex is shown by the constant bombardment of commands, instructions, advice and information on how to do things.
Of course them having 35% win ratio and 500 battels should not be a deterrent to their advice, nor the fact they have just recently managed to move the tank back and forward NO! follow their advice and it will be the same like playing with a loaded gun before pulling the trigger while aiming at your testicles !
The flag lover (capper):
Is a player who is hit by urges and is attracted to poles, he sees a pole (with a flag) and feels the need to perform a love making dance with the pole ... he runs to flag and forgets his team, his game and some time his cloths.
Cappers however should not be mistaken with strategic use of a cap circle, one is a conscious informed decision by the team the other is a one person desire to have sex with a pole .....
Please provide feedback so i can add more classes ! (Thanks Dani for the AFK and the noob wanker lol)
Updated with more definition and some witty feedback !